How have I been coping without A… without his physical being by my side… It’s been 3 weeks since we parted. I am gradually being adjusted to life without him.
It was really really difficult at first. I had spent most of the previous semester studying Korean/English with him every week and then spending every single day with him during the semester holidays. Suddenly he left, leaving me lost in a world between the singles and the attached. How can I describe it… I was like on a roller coaster ride of emotions. I missed him terribly… I wanted to talk to him every single day, if I didn’t, I would feel very upset and EMO. I would keep checking my phone for any messages from him. I felt like an emotionally needy deranged GF, except I didn’t tell him how I was really feeling… I successfully hid the on-the-verge-of-insanity me from him. I just told him life was difficult these days, with me feeling stressed over school and me being homesick. But really, I was feeling the after-effects of not having him by my side.
Well, I didn’t want him to think that I get upset so easily, that I am “starving” from his lack of attention to me. Although I really was.
I thought that this can’t go on… I can’t keep checking my phone and feel upset when there’s no message from him. I can’t keep waiting for his call and I can’t keep missing him TOO MUCH. I would probably unknowingly end up in an institute for deranged patients. So I told myself this cannot go on… I need to control my emotions, keep them in check. Tell myself, he’s back in his hometown and he has got lots of catching up to do with his family and friends. He being home means he’s back to his original place… he has his own things to do too. So I have to do my own things as well… keep myself busy, distracted and happy.
School work – oh I’ve been trying to drown myself in work and it did help. Although many a times my mind just wonders off…
Friends - These days I felt like I’ve lost a good friend or 2 because when I tried to hang out with them, the connection isn’t there anymore. And that’s because I spent so much time with A last sem, I had sort of “neglected” them and they have had their own circle of friends. But I still do have some friends I can hang out with… which I’m really happy to be able to spend more time with them now.
As time passes, I find myself adjusting back to the “singlehood” life… with a BF in Korea. My heart is recovering from the sudden “loss” of him physically.
The good thing is, he makes it a point to contact me almost everyday while I do the same too. I am not exactly sure how he is feeling about all this LDR stuff… but being back home does heal the heart so I reckon he’s having it easier than me.
Because of this, I found myself feeling homesick more often than ever… thinking about my family, friends and everyone back in SG. I am already counting down the days to going back home which is just 3months++ more!
Guess I have to keep my focus on my studies… READ READ READ: this semester’s motto. From news, to books, to journal articles (a must) to magazines. Reading not only keeps my mind off him, it also gives me knowledge and helps with assignments. Although I do read non-school-related stuff. Like the book I bought 2-3months ago. The Sex Life of My Aunt. I FINALLY finish reading it this evening. Took me soooo long but hey I could not touch the book at all during the July holidays because I was so busy. The book was not bad, a few surprising turns of events here and there. Some characters in the book reminded me of people around me, that’s why I decided to pick up this book and give it a try. I have to say I didn’t regret doing so. :)
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